Surrender

Surrender

Fingernails scraping
Across
The acrid wound
Grasping because
They lack….
Faith

The storms
multiply
Finally there
Is no strength
To hold

I must release
My grasp
Surrender to
The forever
I AM

In that moment
Sweet honey
Blessed rest
Soothing balm
Extends lovingly
In to my soul

Surgeon

Surgery

Could the surgery
Be painless
The cut any less deep
As the surgeon cuts away
The cancer

Would she offer a kindness
To remove
only a portion
Of the infection
Does she spare the patient

Rather loving action
Requires,
Inflicting temporary harm
To remove the offending
contagion

Only then
may the patient heal
Possibly made whole
once more

Take courage
patient

HE who began
a good work in you
will
see it through to completion

Misery

Misery

perhaps not
i think the first time
in the beginning
it seemed an adventure
i felt bold and strong -
up to the challenge

bring it on
my sufficient-self declared
but time and again
life poured forth her misery
till sweat dripped
crimson from my brow

battered and bruised
i ventured to the pit
the exquisite feel of agony
entwined her tentacles
around my naked throat
garroting my thoughts
offering no mercy

deep within i resisted
searching for relief
extending my weary limb
toward the hand that ever
waits
for our feeble cry
God, Jehovah, Elohim, Adonai

spent, exhausted
but yet not trusting
i clung tentatively to the
steady hand of GOD
harassed on all sides
refusing to be soothed by the
great comforter

like a child
panicked….
unable to calm
even
when mother is present


though i knew the truth
it evaded my grasp
because i
the errant sinner
still sufficient in self
trusted no one
even less my loving savior

How Very Awkard I Am

I sit earnestly in front of my computer
trying to create
a site
to behold
a thing of beauty
a work of art

impart
special meaning
to the world
but
nothing emerges
but awkward
attempts

my brain moves
like molasses
in winter
my fingers
stumble
as if crippled
with arthritis

pen and paper
are my home
but this
computer
is the new frontier

where creation is born
these days
so i endeavor
to walk through
the wonder
that is
second nature
to my young

while all the time
my brain
whirls with
broken ideas
stretching
far beyond
my reach
I unfold
a new beginning

Expressions

observing
with my heart
your evident suffering
stone face trying to smile
as I walk out the door
I ached for you today
your misery
questions
bouncing round your head
matters unknown
only guessed at
by me
I seem to wound
am i cold and distant?
yet i am always present
perhaps not,
in the kind of way
splendid in its
joy of the beloved,
that you covet
but still
making way
through
the anguish
this measure of
space
unbearable by moments
ever magnificent
for it occasion of splendor
when at last
we lie flesh to flesh
tender embraces
salty kisses
murmuring nonsense
comprehending love

Hospitals and Jokes

Recently a friend and classmate of my nine year old son was seriously injured when he was hit by a car. He is in the hospital and is in very bad shape. This is all the information we have been given. The teacher initiated having the children send him a card. My son brought his version home. Looking over his homework I picked up the card and read his words. In an attempt to cheer his friend up he said, "Hope you feel better soon and watch out for cars." This pithy bit of advice was an attempt at humor. My son, feeling that his friend could use a bit of a laugh, thought of the funniest bit of advice he could. This being the most obviously unnecessary piece of advice he could think of he thought it would also be funny. A good sense of the ridiculous helps when forming a joke, however, one can go too far.

My son got a quick lesson in the appropriate use of humor.

What I understand from this lesson is that sometimes children learn the form of our behavior long before they apply the sensitivity necessary to use it wisely.

The Secret

Many of my friends and children have read the book "The Secret." I have only learned of the principles put forth in the book through them.

Since I recently find my dreams coming true in my life I have decided that I should apply the ideas in my daily thoughts.

I call this process "Secreting In." So if I'm concerned about the well being of my car. I repeat over and over, "I own a wonderful car in fantastic shape."

I share this with you folks so that you know that I have decided to help the nation at large and am "secreting in" lower gas prices. Since I began this process pump prices have dropped thirty cents a gallon!

Though I am doubtful that my thoughts have resulted in lower gas prices, I certainly have a lovely view of the world. Upsetting thoughts are instantly replaced and given a positive spin.

Feelings of despair are followed by action ideas. Ways to change that which I have the power to change come to mind instead. Now I'm part of the solution. I can make a difference. So can you. Try it.

Job Search

I'm looking for a job. This will be my first paying job since my late teens. I have spent my entire life rendering myself useless to the majority of the powers that hire. I am a mother and as such I have worked tirelessly and around the clock. I have become an expert in everything from "My Pretty Ponies" to Compliment Immune Deficiencies. (My youngest has a Compliment ID)

However hard I have worked learning to communicate with insurance agencies, school officials, directing my children and managing my household. I still appear to the work force to have done absolutely done nothing. When at the job center, I was advised that I could put maid as a possible job skill. Wow! How demoralizing. Though many claim to have great respect for at home mothers does this translate into the ability to be hired? I think maybe not.

So I continue to submit applications knowing that one-day I will get hired and when that happens, watch out world, a mother is in the building.

The Alcoholic

This
is what it
feels like to be an Alcoholic
All that I was
or ever would be
revolved
around my friend

She
greeted me in the morning
nausea, remorse
headaches

She
pestered me at noon
making plans
of
where
to find her

In which store
shall I seek her
each day
a different
location

She
nagged me
in the evening
ruling
my every action

She
duped me in the night
promising to
quit


She
was my master
my lover
my destroyer

Recovery Poetry

Beautiful Friend


Giddy, Excited, Flushed
I am going
To pickup my friend
She waits patiently
On a shelf
I drive on
Manic thrills
Chasing down my spine
I’ve held off
Two days now
Waiting seems excruciating
Ahh…. There she sits
Pretty in her
Sleek sexy label
Buy her little sister also
With the screw off top
Drink them one, two, three
On the twelve-minute drive home
Feel the acrid burning
Rush across my mouth
Spilling into my belly
Up the stairs
Pop the cork
My elegant wine glass
Full to the brim
I gulp her down
More and more
Haze and dullness
Converge
I am alone
Content
Peaceful

Mad Mom D.A.R.E.

My seventh grade son, recently expelled form his K-8 school, until the end of his 8th grade year, is faring pretty well given the way the school pushed him out the door for bringing a tiny amout of marijauna to a school dance. I'm not suggesting that he ought not have been punished for his behavior. It is beyond belief that they should do so for such a long period of time. In light of the apparent lack of concern they show for their students regarding educating them against using drugs.
D.A.R.E. is the only program the school uses and it has long been proven ineffective. There is absolutely NO emperical research suggesting that D.A.R.E. does what it is designed to do. Sadly there are programs, proven effective, available to our children. Not only do schools fail to meet their obligations, but also when children get caught doing stupid things, schools further place students and their fragile futures in danger by expelling them from school. "So long. Not our problem they seem to say." Then families are left floundering wondering how to pay the bills, how to help their child, how to prevent disaster by leaving their child home alone all day. In short how not to make a bad situation worse.